Melanoma – This Strange Feeling I Can’t Shake

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I have always loved the warmer months of the year, the shining sun, the days at the pool, the beach and all the outdoor activities that this time of year brings. During the wet and cold Wintry months I am always thinking about the Summer and trying to catch any piece of sunshine whenever I can. That feeling it gives, penetrating through to my bones warming my blood to reach every tip of my body.

It makes me feel alive.

 

Suddenly there is this strange feeling taking hold of me, and I can’t quite shake it off. It is a fear. A fear I have never felt before. An awareness of something so natural and somewhat of a necessity. This fear strikes me when I walk outside and can feel the warmth of the sun wash over me.

photoagingNo longer do I feel like I can stretch my arms out wide as if to hug the rays and beg the warmth to hug me back. Instead I feel I need to hide and take shelter anywhere I can. Like a little child cowering under the covers from a clap of thunder outside their window.

Something that once seemed so beautiful, now seems to be my biggest enemy. Even just the thought of the suns rays on my skin frightens me. The sun is my Kryptonite, the assassin waiting for the right moment to strike. I never knew a fear like this. How can something I love so much become something I fear?

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I have to be strong and fight off this assassin, guard myself at every turn. Show the sun that I am not afraid because as soon as I show my vulnerabilities it will strike. But I will be ready to fight with all the strength I have in me. With all the strength I have gathered from the people around me, cheering me on, giving me their support.

I just have to be prepared for it, use special tactics to combat this enemy. It will not beat me, it will not get me down. I will fight this fear and tackle it to the ground like many others who have been hunted by this assassin before me. You will not get me down, I will beat you and triumph in the end.

I will be a fighting force against you Melanoma, I will defend myself against you. I may fear the sun and run for cover because of you, but I am stronger than you think. Even though the sun has become my greatest fear I will always have a love for it. You can not take that away from me.

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I don’t know if this fear is something That will fade over time as it is all still so fresh and new to me. I hope that the feeling of triumph will over power the fear and one day it will seem like a small candle light burning in the distance becoming smaller with every new day.

I will prevail, I am strong!

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